Because Eva can crossover with anything
by funkmasterjo
Summary: See title. We start with .hack/GU. Side-project.
1. EvaGU

Yea... so...

I wanted to write something for Eva. And I wanted to write something for .hack

And I've been playing .hack/GU lately.

And I was like, looking forever for some way to write it. I was going to do it with Shinji playing the game just in general. But then I was like, hey, Haseo in /roots is mopey. Shinji is mopey. In GU he becomes a jerk because he's constantly on edge tormented by his quest to be strong and get Shino back but if not for that he'd just be antisocial... and... mopey...

...waaait a second.

* * *

.Eva/G.U. Idea chapter.

It's been eight months now. Eight months since I left the twilight brigade.

Eight months since Ovan told me that I wasn't what he was looking for, after all. And that, in fact, there was no need for the Key of Twilight either. There was no need for anything. CC corp had 'fixed everything' and so Ovan simply left.

It's been eight months since I realized that 'she' would never look at me the way she looked at him. No matter what I did.

The brigade was disbanded. I lost my place to be. Again.

Ovan abandoned me, just like my father.

I almost felt it coming.

I have acquaintances – Tabby likes to stay in touch – but no one really close. I thought Shino…

But that had been an illusion.

So I fill up my days wandering around this game, listlessly building my character. My wealth. My worth.

Knowing it will never be enough to make 'her' look twice.

I hear words one day, broadcasted in the field: "Welcome to 'The World'."

Those words mean a lot to me, but they can be said in two ways.

Gently.

Cruelly.

And if it's ever the latter, then I get involved.

My name is Ikari Shinji. I'm just a nobody who's dad was too busy working to raise me.

My in-game name is Haseo. People call me 'The Terror of Death'.

This is what I do.

* * *

I cut the edge punisher down. He has the slowness of his class, and he doesn't know at all how to hedge that with skill.

A dual-blade attacks me from the left with a skill. Hasty. Stupid.

I let him dash in, and execute a counter-Reigeki. I do this not because I'm worried about any real damage from his attack, or from even being counter-Reigeki'ed by his remaining ally.

But it would be insulting to be hit by these people.

My pride… might be pretty hollow. But it's what I have. And their pride is even more fraudulent than mine. That much I know.

The last one says she gives up. Then she attacks with her thorned, curved sword.

Whatever.

In the end they lie sprawled on the floor, never having even touched me. I take down their IGNs, in case I run into them again.

I hate PKs like this. I PKK them no matter what. Sometimes I hunt them down.

They're just bad people. They use their strength to prey on the weak. I think that when they're not playing 'The World' they do the same thing in real life.

Maybe they do it to me.

I can never tell.

But I can't handle the PKers in real life. I can't fight back against the people taking advantage of me there.

So I fight them here, where _I'm _stronger. I fight them on others behalf. It's all I can do. I protect.

"Um, tha-thank you."

I blink. "Shino?"

"Huh?"

I look at her, the girl I saved from those PKs. She looks… just like Shino. Her Avatar.

The differences stop there. Shino was… more of a lady. She held herself with maturity and calm.

This… 'Atoli' seems… tentative. Almost… apologetic for even being alive.

"I'm Haseo." I find myself saying. "Welcome… to 'The World'".

* * *

I stare down at the photograph. It's… kind of lewd.

Father, just what have you been doing…

Is your work really that important, that you had to drop me like dead weight?

Even though you hire someone this silly…

Phone's not working. Great.

And then I see it.

It's… I swear I saw a monster like this in game. I think it started showing up around level 30.

It liked to spam Repth and it couldn't be staggered. God it was annoying.

Wait. No.

What the hell's it doing in real life?

And so huge!

Oh my god!

A blue car spins to a stop beside me, knocking me out of my stupor.

"Sorry! Get in!" The driver declares.

It's the silly lady. She just did a 180-degree stop maneuver, almost ramming me and – despite the apology – I get the feeling she's not really remorseful in the least. She's wearing a gaudy pair of shades shamelessly – the type that makes you wonder if they're really shades and not some kind of visor.

There's a giant lvl 30 monster behind me, being blasted by helicopters and, apparently, pwning everything in sight.

They say truth is stranger than fiction, but I never really thought 'The World' would loose out to the world in terms of classical rpg story elements.

Yet here I am.

* * *

A woman… in a swimsuit… and a lab coat.

Eccentric professor? Mad scientist? Hot scientist?

Is she going to start giving me quests, or a steam-bike, or what?

* * *

"Why? Why did you have to call me now, father?"

"Because I have a _use_ for you."

Father. That's just like you. The similarities between you and Ovan are almost scary.

You called me, because you have a need for me. I don't exist as a person in your eyes. I'm just a thing. My value is determined entirely by how useful I am in the current situation.

And, just like him, you expect me to just _accept_ that and come _running anyway!_

But in the end, it was only me that could pilot it.

The other pilot. She was in no condition for it.

And my habit kicked in. I see the strong taking advantage of the weak – I see the way the girl tries to crawl out of her bed, wounded – and I forget that here in the real world, I'm not strong.

And so, when the metal beams above come falling down, I react. I protect.

As they fall, I see where they're coming. Big and slow… if you just take the time to look, anyone could avoid them.

If you just have the courage to stare death in the face… it's not impossible at all.

And in me, I shortchange that relationship. I don't need courage. I don't think at all.

I just react.

I just protect.

I'm Shinji Ikari in the real world.

I'm Haseo, Terror of Death in the online 'World'.

But sometimes…

Sometimes the lines get blurred.

When the last of the metal settles, all eyes stare at me as I kneel atop the piled I-beams holding this injured girl in my arms.

Reactions vary in degree. Gasps, accolades, and exclamations of amazement vary in volume.

Misato yells "That was incredible!"

Father says nothing at all.

But as everyone's eyes are on me, my eyes are on the girl.

She's not doing well. She can barely stand being moved, much less move herself.

"Don't." I tell her, referring her struggles to get out of my arms and to her feet.

I don't know what power father has over her. But he shouldn't be taking advantage. It's wrong.

…

I still have Haseo's strength in me, or Shinji's dispassion. I don't know which.

The lines get so blurred some times.

But I have the sense that my protecting act is not over. And I have the sense that yes, I am going to get in the giant purple robot and fight the giant white monster.

Because this wasn't about choosing to take the job or not.

Because I had already taken this job. I took it when, after my first – and only personal – PKK, I just kept going. It was the role to protect. It was the job to hunt down and exterminate with enough prejudice that the strong would know the Terror of Death. They would know not to touch the weak.

"I met a man like you online, father." I say as I gingerly set Rei down on the floor – her gurney is destroyed.

"His name was Ovan. Like you, he wanted to use me. And, he was selfish about it. But there's a difference between you and him." I say as I stare at the man that had come to represent such mixed feelings in me. "You're honest about it."

"Hmph."

"So be honest about this, father. There's no way she can pilot. I'm all you have. You need me."

"…" Father's yellow shades catch the light such that I can't make out anything of his eyes. "…It's true."

"You should have just said so in the first place."

* * *

I log in and immediately – as she generally did – Atoli messages me.

Soon, I access the guild server. She pounces on my by the warpgate and drags me to her 'spot'. There's a spot by the grunty pen, with a small little river, that Atoli likes to stay.

Place 3 out of 108 of her favourite places in The World.

"I moved to Tokyo 3 today." I inform.

"Oh no! Did you get caught up in that horrible angel mess?"

I consider telling her. Would she believe me if I told her I piloted EVA 01?

I don't think I'm supposed to tell her.

No, rather, I don't really want to tell her. I see the way she acts around Sakaki. I used to wish so much I was Ovan, so that I could be admired like that. So that I could be important like that.

Now I think it's distant. And sad.

Atoli's always praising Sakaki. But always praising is never laughing.

And Atoli has a nice laugh. When I make her laugh it makes me feel strong. I would hate to lose it.

Not Haseo. Me, Shinji.

"I was in a shelter." I say instead. "But I did get to see it."

"Is it true that it looked like Godzilla?"

"Of course not. It looked like one of those level 30 big white things."

"The ones that cast Repth?"

"Yeah."

"Oooh. My guildmates are always complaining about those! They seem really strong – are you all right?"

"I'm fine. But when I saw the person I'd be living with – that was a real danger. Misato's such a slob." I complain. "I think I need a Rip Duk to purge the poison attack I took from something in her fridge."

Atoli performed the mentioned spell on me, and giggled.

Beautiful.

"What was it?"

"I don't know. It got away from me."

"Eh?"

"It was a fast runner for something so watery. I think it used to be a curry. It had a lot of biting power – in a lot of ways."

"Eh?"

"Just kidding."

"Ouh!" Atoli pushed my arm. "You're making fun of me again!"

"Sorry."

* * *

"It feels familiar." I observe, as I'm 'submerged' into the eva system.

"That would be because you have been trained for this." Ritsuko admitts, popping up in a screen. "NERV is the highest shareholder in CC Corp."

"What?"

Ritsuko nodded. "Is that so strange? It was an investment decision. Besides, the VR system was judged to have potential to be quite similar to the eva submergence protocols. In fact, there has always been the potential of the system operating on a thought basis. That was the root of the coma incidents during the second network crisis. Ultimately, we leveraged shareholder interest to modify your character with an event in 'The World'. It's why you have so much more of a direct connection with your character. It's why you can even feel pain when your synch is high enough. You've been in an eva simulator for the last four years, Haseo the Terror of Death."

"That's insane."

"Try walking."

I take a step, I flex my right hand, and I feel so familiar. ",,,How do I fight?"

"Just think it."

"That's not what I mean – what weapons do I have?"

Ritsuko shruggs. "Take your pick."

And it pops up. My weapon-change interface.

Unbeleivable. Is this GUI screen ported straight from The World? Was The World's ported from here?

My eyes scan. Guns. Explosives. A metal spear?

Ah.

I tap the screen.

Ritsuko smirks. Behind her, I can see my father over her shoulder.

He smirks too.

All according to your plans, huh?

I grasp the two knifes that pop out of the shoulder compartments on this thing. I grasp them in a reverse grip.

And I get to work.

I'm Haseo, The Terror of Death. I'm strong.

That's what I tell myself as I run at the monster.

* * *

"Haseo. Good to see you." Oh. It's that guy.

"Ah, Sakaki!" Atoli squeaks. "Good afternoon! Um, I was just taking a break from organizing the meeting. I really –"

"That's fine, Atoli." Sakaki assured in that smooth tone of his. "Thank you for your diligent work."

"Oh." Atoli ducks her head. "No problem." She answers shyly.

…I'll admit it. I'm a little pissed off.

"As for you, Haseo, I wanted to speak with you."

"What do you want?" I can't help but ask rudely. I don't like him. I never liked him.

"Is it so strange to want to speak to a fellow guildmate?"

And Matsu shows up, Sakaki's guard dog. Great.

And Matsu demands that I answer Sakaki's every question.

Oh please.

He's not a bad fighter. It's fun to rumble with him to first hit.

But as your muscle? He's level 30. If you're going to 2-on-1, playing dirty, you have to bring a lvl 30?

Even as argument back-up… Matsu? He just parrots anything. He has his own views, sure, it's just that they're nothing like Sakaki's views, actually. And in Sakaki's presence he gets just like Atoli and shunts those personal views out the window.

He means nothing.

"Haseo. It's come to my attention that your PKK activities have persisted!"

Atoli gasps. Really, Atoli?

You're honestly surprised?

"Are these claims true?" Sakaki askes gravely.

I sigh. "Yes."

And then the tirade hits. "Moon Tree does not condone the act of PKing!"

"And that's why I stop them."

"By PKing!"

"What I do is called PKK."

"That's just semantics!"

"Yeah Haseo!" Atoli agrees. "It's wrong to PK!"

Atoli…

"When you joined Moon Tree." Sakaki continued. "I thought you understood. I thought you _agreed _that PKK was not the answer. That there was a _better _way."

"I thought so too." I agree quietly. "I did. When Atoli explained it to me – the ways you could use words to force them to back down… without fighting – it made a lot of sense."

"So then you _admit_ –"

"Only… it didn't work."

Sakaki stiffened. "What?"

"It didn't work." I repeat. "Threats without action… it's pointless. PKs are cruel, not stupid."

"We have an overwhelming rate of success with our actions!" Sakaki protests. "These figures show it! You yourself have had success with this method!"

"Do you do… follow ups?"

"What?"

"Do you take down IGNs, and see if they're really being deterred? Do you make sure that, as soon as you leave, they don't just log back in and keep going? The number of messages coming in, asking for assistance, have gone down. But that's not because it's working. It's because they don't believe in us any more."

"That's just nonsense spouted by our detractors!"

"Mine have gone up. They've doubled – no – tripled. Moon Tree has no fangs in the way that it handles things. You do no lasting damage. And in a battle of words, the PKs can just lie."

"The circle of violence will never end, if violence is used in place of peace."

"Maybe it won't. Maybe it'll never end, as long as The World is centred around fighting. Maybe a system of violence is hardwired into the game. It's just like the real world. Bullying never really ends. But even then, as long as the cycle is small enough. No. As long as every victim can look up the boards and know that somewhere, somehow, the PKs aren't going to get away with it… maybe that's enough. At least, I think it's better."

"Moon Tree does not support PKing. If you do not comply, I will have to put forwards the motion that you quit our guild. For the sake of uniformity, unity, and harmony. Change your ways or leave."

"I can't change. I need my ways. I tried it yours." I tell him. "It didn't work."

And then I left.

Atoli… I see her face as I leave.

Don't worry, I still have your address.

It's not like me leaving the guild, or being on the outs with Sakaki, or PKKing… is going to stop you from being my friend… right?

I'm… not totally sure.

But I think I want to know.

They say, when you let a bird free… if it comes back then that's when you know if it's really yours.

I'd like to think Atoli's really my friend.

Maybe it's best I put it to the test.

* * *

"Okay Shinji!" Misato declares. "Close in and show us what you've got!"

I do close in, low to the ground. The red orb on its face flashes.

"It missed!" One of the bridge crew declares.

"No." Misato corrects immediately. "He dodged."

I can understand the confusion. I pretty much look like it clipped me and I fell to the floor.

This eva thing is really responsive in some parts, but really sluggish in others.

I scramble back to my feet and continue to run.

"How strong is that thing?" I ask. "Can it one-hit me? And what's it's cooldown?"

Misato gives a 'haaah?' sound. I guess she doesn't game.

"The Unit 01 armor should be able to sustain even a full blast, but I wouldn't place my bets on a second."

I see.

" As for the timing..." Ritsuko blinked a few times. "It's unknown. That's the first time we've seen it."

"Shinji! That last attack did significant damage to the city!"

I get it. We need to take this somewhere else.

I'm halfway through the motions of charge attack before I realize that no, doing a jumping slash isn't going to actually launch it across the field.

So I kind of shoulder tackle it, loading it onto my shoulder and going for the nearest place I can exit the city. It's very awkward. And dangerous.

But, presumably, I can take at least one hit.

Something snaps behind me, and Misato yells something too. But I'm busy.

I just finish body-check when the red thing lights up again.

Oh. Wait.

So, am I going to feel pain or –

* * *

I'm right in front of its face now, kiting around just out of its arm length, and Misato tells me "Shinji, you've got to attack! You only have 4 minutes 30 seconds left!"

"No." I tell her. "What's important right now, is understanding its parameters."

Relax, I want to say, I'm a professional. I've killed this thing's lvl 30 cousins maybe a hundred times.

Its swipes are ineffectual even at warding me off. It's sluggish. Unskilled.

And I stay right in it's face.

But it had some special moves, that's for sure.

And the last thing I want is to take that kind of hit again.

"Two seconds minimum, from what we've seen so far." She replied with – I think – nothing but brute memory to back her up. "Ending in 3, 2, 1."

I'm right in front of its face now, and as Ritsuko says 'zero', I slip sideways in a quick motion. The mountainside behind where my head had been lights up like a Christmas tree.

Ten seconds…

Again. On the dot. No tactical variation. No strategic decision other than to begin using, and continue using as much as possible, the new skill.

"What the?" I chuckle drly. "So it's just a mob after all."

I begin to carve it up. It activates some kind of guard feature.

The bridge crew tells them I have that feature too, and that mine can negate the enemy's.

Only mine isn't working for some reason.

I try to explain that it doesn't matter.

And they tell me that oh, my timer is still going down.

I try to explain how that doesn't matter, either.

I'm already at gg - it just doesn't know it yet.

2, 1…

Even the countdown timer is being handy, giving me a way to mark the time accurately.

The blast comes out. I slip out of the way and counter. Hard. I keep it basic in terms of motions. Nothing flashy.

Gale blade. Tri Strike.

They don't do the kind of energy-attack, flashy damage they do in game.

But the prospect of being able to spam them with impunity is kind of refreshing.

The first spray of blood ruins that for me.

Its guard goes back up.

"Is this thing alive?" I ask.

For once, the bridge has nothing to say.

2,1…

I dodge. The shield is down.

"It isn't." My father finally answers.

I glance at his view screen out of the corner of my eye. I don't initially believe him.

But I make an effort to try.

Gale Blade. Tri Strike.

They cut so deep in the real world. It's so messy.

And the thing seems to give up, with me taking it apart faster than it can regenerate, jumping on me and morphing in this strange way.

It's everywhere. It's wrapped around me.

"It's going to self-destruct!" Someone yells.

Oh that's not good.

I go Sword-Dance on instinct, and then into the jumping segment of Whirlwind. I didn't use them before because I wasn't confident in connecting without auto-target.

But now the enemy is everywhere, and it's kind of a moot issue. And as I pepper the glob everywhere around me in mid-air with twisting strikes, it is somehow loosened away.

And I drop, have the eva roll, and cover my neck and head like they teach in class.

* * *

This is my place. My guild. My little piece of The World.

It used to belong to a 300 person guild, and back in the day that was enough to have CC corp make a small server guild for you. I bought it out. I have a big 'under minimum capacity' GP fee but now it's just mine. My little place. My little sanctuary, where no one can go that I don't want. Where it's quiet and nice.

The only one I ever invited in, and the only other member, was Atoli. Well, she had an appreciation for game art, and I have a nice small waterfall…

But now there was one more.

A character aptly named Rei Ayanami.

I told her about naming conventions, but she says she doesn't see the point in changing it unless it's an order.

I wonder if I just like troubled, awkward people.

The whole 'birds of a feather' syndrome.

"This is Death Grunty. His attitude's kind of bad."

"You're the one who's attitue's bad, oink!"

"What is the purpose of this character?" Rei asks. "How will this help me to pilot?"

"The Grunty?" I ask. Rei had joined the game, unable in her state to go into the actual eva simulator. "I guess it will help you deal with annoying members of the bridge command crew trying to boss you around?"

"Understood."

"How dare you talk to me like that! Give me 50 push-ups, now! Oink!"

"Haseo!" A new voice says. "I wanted to talk to you about – oh."

Oh.

Hi Atoli.

"You have a…" Atoli trails off. "A guest?"

"She's a new guild member." I explain.

"But I thought this place was only…" She trails off, looking at Rei awkwardly. "I mean…"

Only for us. I know.

But she's really unobtrusive. And I can't just leave her alone.

"She's from work." I explain. "And she's really easygoing."

"Oh." Atoli blinks. "Wait, you work Haseo?"

"I started when I moved to Tokyo 3. I'm in… the public service industry."

That was technically true.

I think.

"Well… that's great! And, um, I'm glad you have another member for your guild!" Atoli congratulates.

It's fake. I can tell.

"She might be quitting the game in a few months." I explain quietly to her, pulling her aside.

"Oh." She beams up at me. "Oh that's too bad."

"When will we begin live combat training?" Rei asks.

I spin to face her. "Soon. First we have to get you some basic inventory items."

"Loadout gear?"

I consider this. "No…Rations… and maintenance equipment, I guess?" I've been reading the NERV pilot manual.

"Understood."

"And then we'll swing by Canard to see if they'll come along with us and show you the ropes."

"Understood."

"Oh!" Atoli exclaimed. "Is Rei-san a newbie? Do you want to join a wonderful guild called Moon Tree, Rei-san?"

Atoli, c'mon. Really?

* * *

A/N: ...what? Hey, it had to be done.

Only belatedly do I realize how damn well it would have all gone down with Shinji as Kite.

Shit. Maybe that'll be next chapter.

But then, I don't have the origional .hack games on hand.

Oh. This idea is _up for adoption_ if anyone wants it, go for it. You don't even have to cite me and you can use any and all of this chapter if you want. Just do it. Oh, only, it's on the condition that you tell me so that I can read it because that would be fantastic.

I want to cross with the origional .hack game, and then with Seikirei - with Asuka as Tsukkimi (sp?). And I want to trhow lemon in there. And then... I don't know. Pokemon? Trigun?

Oh, Oh, OH I KNOW! Sailor Moon! Tuxedo Kamen/Mask is stupid, let's replace him with shinji. And then give him a harem.

Oh, and power rangers. Yessssss. Shinji, the purple ranger. Monsters laugh until he rips out their arms and beats them to death with them. Megazord Unit 01, Launch! Megazord... AT... Prog-Sword... Slash!

And then...Fighting Foodons maybe. Because Shinji can cook. And Misato can be the evil boss, makeing Beer-Curry abominations to destroy the world's cumulative appetite in a war that will rock the cullinary universe to it's knees.

And Card Captors, because... because hell yes card captors. And The World Ends With You, because there are three girls in Shinji's life, and three games in TWEWY's storyline, and it would give me an excuse to replay one of the best games in the history of the world.


	2. Eva Other M

Metroid. Yes. You heard me. Metroid. Why? Mostly because I played Other M and I need to write something with Samus. Cuz' she's hot and awesome. And I need to pair her up with someone because... damn, I just need to. It's actually been bugging me for months now, trying to pair her with someone.

**Warning:** Not so much an Other M crossover as just a metroid crossover in general. And really more of a Samus-centric fic than an eva fic. If you don't like Metroid, you shoud _not_ bother with it. Starts out in diary mode, but switches. It's pretty geeky. It's pretty metroid-y. I warn you.

* * *

Evangelion: Other M Idea

Galacti Date 1337-31, Location: Sector XJ-9, Gunship.

Personal Log:

During exploration, I found a planet with what appears to be signs of sentient, civilized life.

The sector is in the far reaches of space, in the milky way galaxy, and appears to have sustained some form of mass catastrophe. No survivors have been detected thus far, save for a single male I found crouched with a handful of wildflowers over what could – on any planet – only be considered a grave marker.

The ship computer can't seem to decipher his native language, but a bio-scan has revealed him to be biologically about 6209 cycles. Or 17 standard years.

All scans show that he does not contain any unusual virus, parasite, or dangerous items on his person.

The only thing odd about him is that his chronology report differs completely from his biology one, claiming his body to be only three years old, even though genetic markers indicate the body to be at a stage in it's development of a 17 year old.

What a conundrum.

For now, I have brought him on board my ship, hoping to teach him my language in an effort to understand what has happened to his people.

Besides which, I couldn't just leave him alone.

He is the last survivor of his world. I know what that feels like. It isn't a feeling that should be maintained for any period of time.

As for where he sleeps, I simply turn off the artificial gravity at night and he sleeps in midair.

* * *

Galacti Date 1337-38, Location: Sector XJ-9, Gunship.

Personal Log:

It has been one standard week since Shinji (the name of my guest) has joined me on the Gunship. He has maintained a nonviolent and passive demeanour, and in truth I find his company both unassuming and relaxing.

He has learned the rudimentary workings of galactic standard at an alarming rate, and has fully cooperated with all of my questioning.

And I have learned... very troubling matters.

He speaks of a massive conflict, ending in a worldwide biological wipe. Only he and his 'Asuka' (whom I presume to have been his wife) survived. Unfortunately, she succumbed last year to the effects of a long-standing injury, and it appears that Shinji Ikari will therefore be the last full-blooded member of his planet.

The cause for his conflict, however, seems to stem from the work of 'Angels', wrought from 'Seed's.

These appear to be code-names or monikers, and when I asked him to express himself in more technical terms, he said a word that caused the onboard computer of my suit to flare to life.

In a moment, my suit had equipped itself, flashing forth from where it normally rested within my body. Information flew past my visor, and I gasped.

It was the Chozo. Again, it was the Chozo.

They had performed many acts and experiments over their long years as one of the prime races of the universe. Many of which involved nature and biology.

It seems that the 'seed' program had begun many centuries ago, and still continued in this far corner of space evolving naturally over all these years – far beyond its original operational expectancy. The fact that the Chozo modeled the 'seed' of 'Lillith' after humanity shows an enormous forethought on their part, since at the time of the seed program start the galactic human race had been far from the dominant race it is today.

Shinji's own design was extremely close to that of most other humans of the Galactic Federation, with the exception of an almost unnoticeable tweak that seemed to give his entire planet a latent potential to access what he calls the 'Absolute Territory'.

He says that no human ever really accessed it on their own, and he himself was only able to use his due to practice initializing another creature's Absolute Territory and a truly unique existential experience that also left him with the cumulative knowledge of a two humans and a human-'angel' hybrid.

What he says has a few important implications. First, the seed program was a... mixed success. Both 'seed's were ultimately able to evolve and access this AT ability. The 'Angels' seemed to even evolve a form of perpetual energy material based on the ability. In that respect the program was an enormous success, and could be a boon to the galaxy. However, the 'Angels' lacked free will or a conscience. Shinji explained that even the Angel that specialized in free will ultimately only had the choice to obey his instincts or engineer his own death. Additionally, the 'Human' seed was not able to develop AT ability nearly as far.

Also, the entire project only has one survivor. I see traces of 'Seed's on other planets in this sector, but none that are recent. Shinji, in all likelihood, is the last of everything.

The second major implication I reach is that the GF must never learn of Shinji. On the bottleship, I have seen both the best and the worst of the federation.

If the federation wanted metroids as a biological weapon so badly, they surely would want Shinji more. The prospect of being able to selectively outfit pre-trained and loyal Human soldiers with inherent powerful forcefeild capability would be too much for them to pass up.

And from what Shinji describes, 'Angels' would just be nightmare waiting to happen.

These revelations had another implication for me. This was, ultimately, Chozo business. And, ultimately, the conflict and devolution of Shinji's world was the Chozo's fault for not monitoring their forgotten systems properly.

Therefore I have decided that... I'm going to take him with me. I'm going to protect him, and I'm going to leave a marker on this planet so that I can protect this planet too.

My parents caused this, as they caused the metroids, with the best of intentions. And now that the Chozo are scattered or extinct, their duty falls to me – their adoptive child.

I will see Shinji happy and safe.

* * *

Galacti Date 1337-45, Location: Sector XJ-12, Gunship.

Personal Log:

Now that Shinji has a functional understanding of Galactic Standard, he asked me if he could cook something for me.

Shinji, apparently, is... an amazing cook.

An _amazing cook_.

Which is odd, because the battleship has very limited living space, and he made us a meal on an 'electric heater' with odds and ends from the supply crates.

I admit I haven't had a home-cooked meal since... I suppose since I was just a child on my biological parent's farm.

The Chozo didn't cook in the sense that humans did. They were avian creatures after all. And health fanatics, besides. They steamed, baked, or ate raw.

And refried meals, rations, or space-food in general do not account for being 'home-cooked' . Which is unfortunate because those are all I can seem to prepare without burning, melting, or atomizing something important.

And restaurant food just isn't the same as a home cooked meal, either.

For one thing, Shinji serves his home cooked meals wearing an apron.

There is just something about a man that brings you a hot plate of delicious food, wearing his house-clothes, an apron, and a gentle smile.

It's just so homely and domestic.

And I discreetly scanned the food twice for some form of aphrodisiac, because I solemly swear – and I will swear before every one of Chilism's 106 dietetic forces – I had never been so powerfully aroused in my entire life.

* * *

Galacti Date 1337-48, Location: Sector XJ-20, Gunship.

Personal Log:

Shinji plays the cello.

He`s very good.

He plays the cello, he can cook, he _likes to cook_, he has an in-built forcefeild to protect him from my enemies, and he doesn`t think twice about either my history or the fact that I have a metric ton of alien hard and software deconstructed and sewn into to my body because is a giant killer robot pilot that killed aliens and popped a humanoid ex-friend like a grape.

I think I`m going to try to marry this man.

I just need to puzzle out how to court him. I've been getting by on smiles which, honestly, just spring up my face when I'm around him anyways… and hastily modified versions of the pickup lines I distantly recall from unwanted attention during my Federation Police days.

I think he appreciates the effort more than the actual content…

But ultimately I have no idea what I'm doing. I require more intel. I need a data hookup. The powersuit is useless in this regard.

It keeps powersuit keeps telling me to regale him with a quantum physics thesis and then present to him a fish I killed with my own beak.

...I think I need to read up on human romance.

* * *

Galacti Date 1337-50, Location: Sector XJ-20, Gunship.

I`m scared.

I spent the entire day today talking about myself. My childhood, my past in the Galactic Federation, my feelings about being entrusted by the Chozo with the altruistic and ephemeral task of world peace and justice... I talked about my first kill. My first drink. My campaign against space pirates. Flying into their base without backup, killing everything in sight – save for 'baby', forcing mother brain to blow the whole thing to dust and doing it again years later. I talked about how worried I was becoming about how easy it was getting for me to deal with slaughtering things.

Not fighting. Not warring.

Slaughtering things. Even when I didn`t expressly need to, in the middle of a campaign, I just slaughter these little things that have literally no chance against me – because they might slow me down if they live and if they die I might be able to scavenge energy or gear from what`s left over.

I mean, it`s my job. It`s for justice and peace, so I don`t want or need to be confused about it while in the field.

But outside of the field...

I wasn`t raised to be so... inconsiderate. So... disrespectful. I remember being offended at burning a field of poisonous flowers, for the creatures that lived there. I had railed at the Chozo for a necessary evil – God, I was such a child back then. But a part of me thinks that might have been preferable to the... the whatever it is that I've become. I talk about that.

I never talked about that, to anyone.

Ever.

And at some point he put his arm an my back. Some point later, he put his arm all the way around me.

Now we`re cuddled in the dark on top of my Spartan one-person bed...

And I`m scared because no one`s ever been this close to me before. Not Adam. Not Higgs. Not even Old Bird.

And this terrifies me because... I can't quite explain. It just does.

This is all so new to me.

Maybe I`m scared that he`ll stop holding me if I shut up. So I don`t.

I'm going to talk all night. I think… he's going to hold me all the way through.

He's such a good listener. And he's so gentle and soft in his attitude, it's amazing. And even with that, he can understand somehow. He can to the pressure of a mission, the madness of battle, the pressure of duty, and the aching lonliness of being the sole survivor of a lost world.

His smile is so gentle. The way he holds me is so nice.

I'm going to ask him to be my boyfriend. I'm going to ask out on a 'date' or... whatever equivalent he had on his planet.

We're close to planet K- 18L. They're supposed to have nice beaches. I remember higgs dradded me to a beach with the platoon on a day off... way back in the day. It was annoying, but maybe now...

I just want to make sure he likes me.

I like him a lot.

* * *

Galacti Date 1337-58, Location: Planet K- 18L, Century Star Hotel

Powersuit Personal Log:

I can`t stop smiling.

Shinji and I... last night...

Wine, candles, and dinner. Shinji cooked it. He doesn't like the beach either. He says he doesn't feel comfortable around other people. He likes to stay inside with me, and I like to stay inside with him. There was slow dancing to some classical music off of his primitive audio recorder, right in the middle of our suite. I had no idea what I was doing - never danced before. I don't think he did either - he was so flustered and cute.

At the end of the night he kissed me, and I stumbled. He kissed me until he herded me into my bed. And there, he asked me mid-blush if I wanted him to leave.

I... didn't want to push things too fast, on an intellectual level. But I was even more afraid of taking things slowly.

My heart yearned for his closeness. My body ached for his warmth. I've gone 24 years without being attracted to so much as a rock, and now I am rocked with the sense that if I die - if I get called away tommorow by a distress signal and my number finally comes up - without ever feeling his touch it will be the greatest mistake of my life.

He was halfway through a stammering apology and tactical retreat when I caught him by the collar and told him the truth. I couldn't stand the thought of him leaving in any sense of the word.

And today, his arm draped over my waist as we spoon, feeling loose, warm, strangely sensitive, and 100% woman.

I just can`t stop smiling.

Incidentally, existential fusion of consciousness with two girls and one sexually knowledgable female have left Shinji with an intimate understanding of the female form.

Additionally, my augmented biology was curtailed. I was half-way through my first… -that-… when my dormant powersuit belatedly flashed a warning through my left iris that in my… enthusiasm… I had entirely lost concious motor control and was exerting enough force to bend steel. Shinji kissed me and told me not to worry about it. Some form of AT field trick, he said.

He's just so perfect for me.

I think I was meant to be with him.

I can't stop smiling.

* * *

Galacti Date 1337-61, Location: Planet K- 18L, Robertson's and Robertson's Jewlery.

I stand here, before a jeweller, looking nervously at a display of rings.

I want to propose to him.

Am I moving too fast? I've known Shinji for about a month, standard time… I think I'm moving pretty fast. I'm not sure. I researched extensively, even hacking the private logs of several popular celebrities.

Half my data tells me I'm going too fast, the other half tells me I should have jumped him as soon as the bioscan of him came back without signs of STDs.

Love is hard!

Should I let _him _propose to _me?_

Would we go for a Chilism wedding or an... I don't even know what religion he subscribes to. I don't even know if his planet differentiates marriage ceremonies based on religion.

What social convention do they even have?

Almost all civilized planets develop some type of formalized marital system, especially the human races.

We all have similar biologogical imperatives and constraints, after all, so we tend to socially evolve along parallels.

I know they had marriages on earth. He had a wife. But what were the exact customs of his home world? I have no idea. Is he going to want me to share him? I don`t know if I could share him...

Wait, his wife died last year. Is it too soon? Am I being insensitive?

God, I have no idea what I`m doing. If Adam could see me now...

He`d be either proud of me finally getting a relationship, or he`d be ashamed of my undisciplined behaviour.

But it`s just that I`ve never been in love before. It`s hard.

The suit flashes a warning through my right iris. It flashes a radar scan on my left so that I don't have to bother turning around or even moving my attention from the ring display.

`This is a hold-up! Place all your -`

I angle my right arm over my shoulder based on the radar display, transforming it to arm-cannon without bringing the rest of the suit out.

The kickback's annoying without the rest of the suit, but these are – appearently – 'fashionable jeans', a 'fashionable T-shirt', and a 'fashionable spring jacket'. I don't want them all ripped apart in an atomic reconstruction field.

Diffusion Icebeam.

I peg the ceiling, the splash puts the threats on ice. I think I finally found a nice ring that tactfully says 'I really like you and I think you're the only human in the universe that could comfortably handle being physically or emotionally intimate with me, but it's not like I'm desperate or anything...'

But my mood's ruined now...

*Sigh* I can`t go one city block without getting into trouble.

Is he going to be okay with that? Living with a bounty hunter like me, that seems to be a magnet for trouble?

I can`t stop fighting. I just can`t. I have a legacy to uphold. A mission in life: universal peace and justice. I can't stop until I accomplish that and speaking realistically, that battle will never end.

I should probably talk to him about it...

I – oh, you`re welcome. It was nothing. No, I`ll pay for the rings – well I don`t even know if I`ll be buying. I should probably go anyway. I left my b-

My b-boyfriend... at *ahem* at the park.

What? The police? You can give your statement, but I can`t stick around to give... I have to go.

What? They`re already here?

Oh, damnit.

* * *

I`m so late. I`m so late.

I mean, I think Shinji will be okay with it. He`s very easygoing and forgiving. I love that about him.

But that doesn`t make it right to keep him waiting.

First time I bring my first boyfriend out, and I keep him waiting. Aren`t I the best girlfriend ever.

God. I should just speedbooster down this – no, I can`t.

I`d rip up the sidewalk. And the street. And all the cars.

Finally, I make it to the park.

And Shinji.

Shinji?

Shin... Shinji?

What... is... what are these guys doing?

Are they... are they attacking my boyfriend?

Are they **fucking attacking my Shinji?**

One of them doubles Shinji over with a punch. He crumples and gets kicked in the ribs.

I see red. I see total red.

I haven`t hated so much since Ridley.

I haven`t feared so much since Ridley.

And in the end I down both of the attackers brutally, panting, and clutching my arm cannon with my left not for support, but so that I can physically restrain myself from ending these **fucking lowlife pieces of FUCKING SPACE WASTE!**

I`m so close to powerbombing their existences into molecular ash that I almost scare myself.

Calm down. Calm down.

Inner peace. Inner – **don`t you fucking move you little shit!**

Only the raw primal directives to protect my lover give me enough focus to run my suit despite all this violent anger I feel.

Shinji? Why didn't you use your AT feild?

"It's no big deal," he says, "it's just a little pain. And the AT feild is... it's not something that's actually meant to be used to block. It's me throwing a peice of my soul out of my body and letting it get attacked. It's... wrong to use it for something that isn't important."

But you use it every time we make lov – Oh.

...O...Oh.

* * *

Galacti Date 1337-91, Location: Planet K- 18L, Robertson's and Robertson's Jewlery.

Shinji is not a soldier.

An alarm went off on the beacon I left on his homeworld. I rushed back, Shinji in tow.

And there, stepping out of the orange primordial goo that composed the seas of his world, stepped a hulking white beast.

"Sachiel" Shinji had whispered.

The monster was bigger than Shinji gave it credit for, in his stories. And tougher, too.

Ten on-board anti-tank missiles didn`t even leave a scratch.

"It`s pointless," Shinji said. "It`s got an AT feild up, so it's not a matter of firepower. I… I need you to take me somewhere."

As I brought him to a scene of wreackage, and he led me to the sight of his giant killer robot, I had to voice a question on my mind. Why now? Why hadn`t the thing come back in all these three years?

"Probably," Shinji said, "because I was here."

He said it was the only reason he could think of that made sense.

And I asked him why that would matter so much

And he said that it was because he assumed they were afraid of him.

Now I understand that Shinji and these monsters have a history. It`s difficult but I can equate my gentle Shinji with a fighter – even a killer.

But I never thought of him as one that instilled fear.

But then I saw him raise his purple creature from the rubble. I saw him roar.

And I realized, as Shinji rammed his barrier into the enemy`s, before falling on the larger beast like some kind of rabid dog on the pounce: Shinji was not a soldier, because _I _was a soldier and Shinji...

Battled nothing like me.

And I was not a slaughterer, because Shinji was a slaughterer and I...

I have never been so brutally cruel. He wielded pain like a weapon, as if he knew it intimately. He imposed an aura of fear and violence. He was not superior in terms of specs, but somehow... somehow both I and the Angel seemed to just _feel _that it was all futile and foolish. I could see it's desperation in how it scrambled and flailed. I could see that it understood…

It should just lay down and die.

Except it couldn't, because it was terrified that would only make the pain _worse_.

Now… I walk through life with a modular, intelligent, and evolutionary battle suit that is perpetually 40 years ahead of the galactic weapons development curve. Understandably, I have never in my life been afraid of a human individual.

So Shinji gets to be the first in that respect.

And after the battle, Shinji settled his behemoth into a kneel, crawled out of it's neck, and hung his head low.

He was ashamed. He wouldn`t even look at me. He wouldn`t even get within arms reach.

...

...

…Shinji…

In a lot of ways, I might not be a good girlfriend.

But then and there, I knew that if ever I was going to make up for that... if ever I was going to make it worth it for getting involved in a lifestyle of explosions, death, and uncompromising hours in the cold reaches of abandoned space, I would hold him right now, tell him that I loved him, and possibly even admit that I`ve been trying to propose to him for the past three months.

And I did.

* * *

A/N: Aaaaand that's it.

There's no one in cannon metroid that has any kind of sensible in for being Samus's boyfriend other than obscure characters from her manga appearence - and they're kind of weak in impact and depth. Adam is like a dad. Anthony is obviously her bro, and you don't hook up with your bro because bro's before ho's and wow making your bro your ho would just... the logistics of it would just be mind boggling.

And no, Samus x Solid Snake is not fantastic. It only exists because of the desperation borne of there being a total void where Samus's love interests should be. I can just imagine the conversation.

S. Snake: Guns...

Samus: Missiles...

S. Snake: Oh my god, that's so hot, we should make out now.

Samus: Okay!

Both: Om nom nom nom nom I'm eating your face.

That's just a no. Ew. Especially after Other M portrays Samus not as testosterone heavy but actually... kind of estrogen heavy. Like violent precision death estrogen but still estrogen. Plus I only played MGS 1. I'm not entirely sure where _all _my hatred for the pairing comes from... maybe something about Snake being cool but if he actually gets someone as cool/hot as Samus on top of that, even though I have zero empathy for his background, then I'm goign to have to swear a vendetta against him...

So Shinji x Samus. Because yes. I have to tell you the truth, this pairing will forever be cannon in my mind, heart, and soul from this point on.

Where would this idea go in the future? It could go a lot of places but Galactic Federation troubles would be great. Samus get's caught somewhere, and Shinji storms in after getting help from the GF, AT feild blasting the hell out of everything and running on emotions. He frees Samus, she rains cold death on everything, and the GF has negotiated research rights for Shinji. But the genetic tweak isn't a big deal, since everyone has an AT feild. It's just not meant to be accessed, so Shinji becomes a teacher. And then of course the GF or that part of it goes bad and Shinji and Samus have to team up to kill a platoon of highly trained special forces personelle that are equipped with impenetrable forcefields. Or we could go through other metroid games that exist later in the chronology, with Shinji as backup or maybe just a conversation partner/navigator unless/until he needs to go berserk on a 50 foot tall space snake that's on fire... or something.

Still haven't figured out how to do Eva/cardcaptors. Shinji as... Eirol? No, that's... maybe. No that's dumb.

On another note, the next crossover will be... probably .hack/GU part 2. I tried non-GU but I just can't get shinji as Kite to work, actually. Which is wierd.


	3. EvaGU 2

The idea still needed some fleshing out. Asuka, for example. And Yata, Kuhn, and Pi. Still surprisingly easy to write.

* * *

.Eva/GU Idea

Part 2 - Reminisce

Silibus, Gaspard, Atoli, Me, and Rei head out to a feild-type level one area.

Nice and easy. I have no idea why Silibus and Gaspard have been taking newbs to dungeon areas. Seems simpler to go for a field.

Party size limit is three, so the Canard group party's Rei, with me and Atoli in the other group.

We'll reshuffle after Rei gets the game mechanics down.

It was then that an endowed tribal grappler almost knocks me over.

"Hey! Sorry, let me join your party!"

Misato-san... stop apologising with that happy look on your face...

You're not fooling anyone... seriously.

"Um, Misato-san?" I ask. "What are you doing here?" I can tell it's her instantly. The voice and the brashness can only combine to equal Misato-san.

"Hey! I'm your commander of operations! Of course I – I mean..."

Commander of operations, can you pleased keep the secret work secret... please...

"I wanted to oversee Rei-chan's training!" She finished finally. "And call me by my character name: Big Breasted Kitty!"

I'd rather not.

...what kind of name is that, I mean c'mon Misato-san...

...but my policy is to use in-game names only when I'm logged on.

...maybe I can just shorten it to BBK?

"Well, what about the garbage?"

"What garbage?"

"Wasn't it your turn to take out the garbage?"

"Oh, _that _garbage! No, no, this is _far _more important. That can _wait_."

If you could really finish things that you put into the 'wait' pile, your house wouldn't look anything like it does.

I sigh. "brb, everyone. I have to go take out the trash." It's just easier this way.

"Thanks Shin-chan, you're a champ!" Misato slaps me on the back

"Sh-Sh-Shin-chan?" Atoli gasps. "You call him Shin-chan?"

"Oh? Let me tell you about me and that young man..."

I log out.

When I log back in, Atoli's blushing. Which means either she's blushing in real life or she's thinking about blushing really hard.

BBK's... BBK's off being a total n00b. Not newb. N00b.

I know what I said.

"H-Haseo-chan!" Atoli blurts.

What.

"Atoli, I thought we didn't use honorifics in-game." It's not as if names like BBK are really a Japanese kind of name.

"Then are you saying I can't?" She demanded, now... angry?

"Well..."

"If – If Misato-san can call you Shin-chan after only one day, then why can't I call you Haseo-chan, Haseo? Why?"

"No, it's just..."

Think about it, Atoli.

**Haseo-chan, the Terror of Death.**

...

I can't even say it out loud.

"I should call you Has-chan!"

"Please don't."

"But _why? _I thought we were close. What's so great about breasts anyway?"

...

Never leaving BBK and Atoli alone again.

* * *

Computers in class? That's nice.

Reducing the student population by 90% leaves a lot of resources to be used on the 10% left.

Let's check the email.

Let's see. Atoli, Atoli, Atoli, Atoli...

The first one condemns me for being a breast man.

God, what did Misato _say _to her?

And the second mail apologises.

The third says, basically, 'forget the apology, I'm still mad.'

And the last one asks me how she can delete emails she already sent.

*sigh*

'Atoli, you can't delete them. And Misato was probably drunk at the time, so can you just ignore whatever she said to you?'

Send.

Maybe I should tell her she can call me 'Shin-chan' but I don't know...

*Ping*

Instant messaging is pre-installed on a school computer?

...Do I give this address to Atoli or not...

Anyways, I'm invited to a chat.

Join.

Toji Suzuhara?

'Are you an EVA pilot? Y/N'

Huh.

That's direct.

Oh, and the whole entire class is part of this chat room.

I don't know how people would treat me if they found out, but I know that ultimately I have enough trouble fitting in with most people just because I'm effectively a parentless orphan, thin, and awkward. It's better if I just lay low.

'N'.

'Then why'd you transfer in at a time like this?'

'My father called me here'

'No way! We're all here because our parents have jobs in the city, and they can't find a place to set us up outside. But you were _already _set up outside. I can't buy that. What kind of father would transfer their son into a warzone?'

My kind of father...

Wow, that's depressing.

Now, what's the most absurd, crazy thing I can say that is sure to get everyone to stop thinking about it – I know. Gaspard told me about this...

'Actually... I came so that I'd be closer to Comiket. It's still on, right?'

Everyone immediately logs off.

Maybe that was too effective.

Maybe my difficulty in making offline friends stems from the company I keep online...

* * *

"And this is Lumina Cloth" I explain to Rei. "It pretty much only has the arena. There are a lot of martial artists and street fighters that get involved in it, since even for users that aren't synched more than half The World's controls are based on either thought or motion sensing of the head. Basically the combat mechanics are advanced enough they are able to use a lot of their skills there. Besides they have a taste for competitive person to person combat."

"Understood."

"Hey! You!"

"Who is that?" Rei asks, indicating the redhead storming up to us.

Uwaaa. I don't like the expression she has there. That's trouble.

"No one I know." I explain immediately. "Well that's all that's here so let's go back to Mac Anu..."

"Hey! I'm talking to you, Terror of Death!"

I bet it's someone from Moon Tree. The last thing I need is another lecture. Let's just run.

"Hey! Third Child!"

I freeze mid-step. Third Child? Aren't I an only child? No way, don't tell me I have estranged secret older siblings or something.

Father, you bastard...

Rei weapon-changes and levels her steam guns at the redhead.

'Hey look, that girl's got her weapons out in town!'

Ah, we're gathering a crowd.

'Is it an event?'

No, she's just synched.

"Got your attention?" the redhead exclaims cockily.

"Who are you?" I ask wearily. Oh god, was she my long lost big sister? I heard a story like this. Long lost siblings meeting online and getting into a cyber relationship only to have an offline meet to discover their similar ancestry.

The smirking redhead girl takes an imperious stance, her hands on her hips and her head craned back so that she's looking down her nose at me. "Asuka Langly Sohryu, the Second Child!" She declares. "And, the Demon Palace Emperor, Alkaid the Crimson Comet!" And here she flicks her hair flashily. "Now do you know who I am?"

I stare dumbly. "Never heard of you." I answer honestly. "Sorry."

And I warp out of there faster than you can say 'unwanted family drama.'

* * *

I sigh as I breathe in this thing called LCL.

So... yeah... Ritsuko told me about the naming convention, but not until after I accused my father of being a two-timing bastard, since the fall of Rei and my birthdays meant he would have had to be cheating on mom to father us both.

So... yeah...

As for why Ritsuko and father looked uncomfortable at the cheating accusation anyways...

And as for why the only reply I got when I asked if me and Rei were related was 'does it matter?'...

Ultimately, let's just not think about them.

"Unit 01!" Misato declares. "Launch!"

Well, time to go kill a monster to escape reality.

If I think about it like that, this Eva thing is just another day in my life.

* * *

I, Alkaid, and Rei stand in Raven's home.

BBK's off to the side giving 'Kuhn' a talking to. Apparently they have some kind of history.

As for me, I just stare before me in mute horror.

"In game, you will refer to commander Ikari as 'Master Yata'" Ritsuko – Pi – droned as she considered the clipboard before her and pushed up her rectangular glasses.

As for me, my attention is focussed completely on my 'father's' PC.

Father, c'mon. Cover up. It's undignified. Think about your son, please.

Can you even _once _think about your son?

He uncrosses his arms as he details a training simulation quest.

Oh ew father. Put your arms back over your digital nipples.

Rather, cover up already! Even your head is bald! Cover up your bald head please!

I don't care if we have to do coordination training in 'The World' since the eva sims don't have online functionality!

Just cover up father!

* * *

"I think I'm going to be sick." I complain, as we step into the quest field. "What does it mean about my father that he's so shameless online? What does it even mean? Do I want to know?"

I check my HUD. Looks like I really did get 'right sized' to lvl 50.

Customized 'realistic' skill-sets, specialized weaponry.

Proxy's for the power lines through use of checkpoints and safe areas.

And of course an inherent AT field trait.

Just how much sway did NERV have over CC Corp?

Like this, we're supposed to work our way through a hallway of enemies. How we get to the end is totally up to us. This seems more like an ice-breaker exercise than an actual coordination exercise.

"I really wish he had covered up." I continue aloud.

"You're one to talk, Third Child." Alkaid sniffed. "Look at you. What are you supposed to be? Black Scorpion Man?"

"I didn't choose to look like this." I complain. "It just happened when I took my second job expansion."

"Humph! So just have the graphics designers change your outfit!" Alkaid surmised. "Idiot!"

I blinked. "I can do that?"

"Of course! You don't think any pre-set character could reflect my stunning beauty even half this well, did you?" Alkaid demanded, striking a proud pose.

"So you have an ahoge in real life?" I swear it's the first thing that comes to my mind.

"Sh-Shut up!"

"It is unadvisable to change your appearance." Rei answers quietly. "A large amount of recognition is invested into the current appearance of the Terror of Death."

That's true. My PKK reputation's been flagging enough as it is, with all the eva training and so on.

The PKs are already starting to get too bold for my tastes.

"Whatever," Alkaid sighs, "let's just get this over with. I have a title defence match in an hour and I want to be fresh."

I nod. "I have to make dinner soon, too."

"Okay!" Alkaid slams a fist into her opened palm. "It's time we settle things Terror of Death – no, First Child! Show me what you've got! If you fall off of my radar, I'll never acknowledge you as a pilot!"

Calm envelopes me, because I know...

Here, I am strong.

A cold smile blooms on my lips and I give Alkaid a 'you first' gesture.

"Heh! All right, then I'll take the left side!" And we're off. "Try to keep up!"

* * *

I regard the Angel before me.

Arial type, but it's still actually in striking range. I wonder if I can ground it, and if so, if that would even help. Its body is strangely long too.

From the whipping displays, it seems to have close-range functionality.

I bring up my weapon-change interface and tap 'machine gun'. What I'd really like is a good scythe, but Ritsuko assures me that it isn't physically viable.

A building popps up with a machine gun rack. And in my hands – or the eva's hands, I suppose – the weapons feel... strange. I never really dealt with ranged weapons. That's what my eva training has been focussing on so far, but still...

Anyways, let's try to play keep-away until I can lure it out of the city, and hopefully I can figure it out enough by then to decide how I'm going to deal with it.

It's not like I'm going to ever actually do damage with guns.

And then the stupid thing decides it's going to prove itself to be a speedster after all and dash across the distance between us, cleaving away a swath through the buildings of downtown Tokyo 3.

Great.

I drop the gun. Twin Blade time.

"Shinji, take cover!"

Don't be silly Misato-san. You're silly.

It's cutting through entire buildings like rice paper. I can't take cover from that. I can't block that.

There's only one safe place now, and until I get there...

I have to dodge.

Step, step, side-step, point-turn, short-hop, slide.

And as I slide under this squid-shaped floating thing, I discover that I can reach up and raking a prog knife through its underbelly.

It doesn't scream, which I hope means it doesn't actually feel pain.

But, and this is important, it doesn't try to turn.

I tense, waiting.

And its whips come flying around its body to try and hit my.

Score.

It doesn't have any innate defences back here.

Step, side-step, step.

It's much easier to dodge here, since the angles of attacks it can make are limited. It can cut through almost anything it seems, but of course it wouldn't want to cut through itself.

So its body is the only viable source of cover on this field.

Now, I think I saw the core at the front, but it seems totally geared towards forward battle. It finally begins to turn, and I have to say it's pitifully slow in that regard. I think I'll have better chances with a drawn out battle from the back and honestly the location of the s2 organ at the front?

I think... I think its bait.

And... Yes, I can out damage its healing factor back here. Its whips are pretty much useless now and the only option it really has is to use its fast forward movement to run.

* * *

"Ugh... I... *pant* I was saving myself... *pant* you know... for the tournament *pant*... title defence and all... *pant*... I have a title."

You don't sound like you were saving yourself.

"Congratulations Master Haseo." Rei drones as she approaches at a walking pace. "You were the first to finish the gauntlet."

I just took the most direct route. Alkaid fought everything on the way. And as for Rei, I don't think she was actually aiming for speed.

"Master?" Alkaid asked. "What're you *pant* calling this scorpion cosplayer 'Master' for?"

"He is the Guild Master of my primary Guild in this world. I had assumed, after hearing Doctor Akagi address Commander Ikari as Master Yata, that the naming convention was more appropriate."

"No." I shake my head. "Pi... I mean Akagi-san is just... whatever she is. I mean she wears a bathing suit and a lab coat every single day. Don't rely on her for any kind of naming convention or... anything convention."

"Understood."

"Call him whatever you want!" Alkaid complained, finally giving in and sitting down. "Come up with something yourself! God, you're so obedient it makes me sick."

"Is that acceptable?" Rei asks me.

"Well sure," I answer honestly, "call me whatever you want."

"Then... Commander Haseo."

"Not that." I answer immediately. "Anything but that."

Stop laughing Alkaid. It's not funny.

* * *

It tried to run - or hover I suppose - away. I grabbed on, cutting my own power cable to get in on this ride.

And the Angel runs, and runs... right out of the city.

Its weapon is useless, and there's no reason to worry about collateral damage anymore.

I've got 4 min 30 seconds to work with but it doesn't really matter because that's a gg.

I only hope it doesn't try to blow itself up as I extend the prog knife blades even further and begin carving my way through the Angel from the back.

It doesn't. In the end it just gives up at some point and flops down. I felt a little bad popping its S2 organ out.

But it's really easy just to think of it as a giant squid so it's not so bad.

I have an overwhelming urge to fry it, but its best not to dwell on that.

* * *

A/N: Idea is still up for adoption.

Actually, I found out there's already an eva .hack fic out there. It's... pretty good. Lot of narrative and worldbuilding, and it has quality. It's called .hackEVA: Catharsis. Personally I dropped it a few chapters in, but I'm more or a character/action guy than a worldbuilding guy. I played ff12 and I was like 'what is this shit. Why is my protagonist a half-naked, half-baked idiot that desperately wishes his attempts let him be 1/10th a Zidane?'.

...eva... crossed with ff7/8/9/10? Or kingdom hearts? Something about the eva pilots with keyblades just seems... right...

Lately I have been playing Arc Land of Fantasia. I just want to say... it's f*cking _amazing_. It's oldschool in the new era. You know, it's what you expect but with a twist. Kind of how all the final fantasies were before squaresoft decided to ignore expectations that took years to develop and hired daytime soap opera writers to script their stuff. Eh... Only Arc Land has terrible writing and voice acting during several main parts of the game. Oddly, the little side conversations are v. good but obviously they outsourced many parts to the 4-kids dubbing staff and the aforementioned soap opera writers. Seriously. Man, I remember back when rpg companies used to provide uniform excellence... like, 10 years ago...

So... Cross with Arc Land? "You are the first Child..." "Oh god, not again." "...of Eesa." "...What. Okay, that doesn't sound so -" "Now go hunt down and use giant creatures to use them to save the world, while dealing with the looming force of several organizations that are not what they seem." "...FFffffuuuuu-" No, probably not. That would just be... fantastic... huh.

Trigun might happen too. Someone suggested it and I always wanted to write trigun. Aaaah, I don't know what to write next... Well for now I have to get Tsunade's Heir handled...


	4. EVA Moon

Warning: Really a lot more SM than EVA. The idea was that Shinji would play a more prominent role in future chapters, but I don't really think I'll continue this idea. Up for adoption.

* * *

EVA/Sailor Moon Cross - New Prince

Mngh.

Unfamiliar ceiling

New world? No. Same world.

I've got Asuka's number on my cellphone, not that calling her is anything but a headache of complaints. I've got Rei's too, not by my own will. My mother and father are disturbingly well adjusted and happily married…

…And I'm still unhappy with it all.

When did I discover that this world wasn't right? I was supposed to… that's right… I was supposed to be just another dreamer. I was meant to be happily oblivious. But I have these flashes of old, difficult days. I have these moments when the urge to call my sensei Misato-san and 'tsk' are unstoppable. I look over myself and wonder where the burn wounds are from my overheated EVA plug.

It's just all so wrong. The old world was cold and painful, but it was mine. I struggled through it. I bled for it. I want it back.

Failing that... I just don't want what I got. It feels fake. It feels insulting to those that died for me and for the world. It hurt too much to stay.

So I ran away from home. I'm good at that. So good that I can't have learned it in this world.

And here I am, traveling the world, staring at a sequence of unfamiliar ceilings.

Better than putting up with this unfamiliar world.

This is a good school. It's poor and crime infested. A gathering place of dead-enders and delinquents. It's an easy place to disappear into, with a cheap bribery price for my guardian-less enrollment, and most of the hurt in this place is physical. No big deal. And there's a strange kind of honesty with delinquents. Maybe I can start over. Maybe I'll find some place to settle down.

* * *

"Eh?" Was Usagi's unintelligible answer. "What?" She asked for clarity.

Setsuna cleared her throat, appraising the blank look of the assembled senshi. "Mamoru is no longer the prince of earth."

"What?" Usagi asked.

"Mamoru. He stopped being the prince." Setsuna repeated. "The prince of Earth is no longer Mamoru Chiba."

"Are you trying to tell me…" Usagi began, skeptically, "that Mamoru is not the prince of earth anymore?"

"Actually, that's not what I mean at all."

"Really?" Usagi asked excitedly.

"idiot."

"Awwwww." Usagi pouted.

"You're taking this rather well, all things considered." Rei observed. "You okay, Odango?"

"Well he's still Mamoru." Usagi clarified with a roll of her eyes. "He's still _my _prince charming. It's not like he's going to die or become a bad guy. I can still marry him." She paused. "I can still marry him, right?"

"Yes Usagi." Setsuna nodded. "You can still marry him. Granted, you will have to splice him some lunar magic to ensure his immortality and I won't have any justification to use the Time Gates to ensure his continued goodness, so those matters are up to you. But yes, you can marry him."

"Super." Usagi grinned.

"Although now that a future paradigm of peace and unity no longer rests on your union, I can finally feel safe in voicing my opinion that I think Mamoru Chiba is a bit of a close-minded egotist, and you could do much better for yourself."

"Hey!"

"So how did this happen?" Ami inquired, ever curious. "I thought that Mamoru inherited his position as a matter of course, being soul-bonded to the planet earth as he is."

"Was." Setsuna clarified. "As of 9:00 AM this morning, Mamoru Chiba lost his etheric link to the planet earth. He has been informed, and is currently drunkenly celebrating."

"Why?" Usagi whined.

"Well, as I mentioned, he is a bit of an egotist –"

"Oh come on!" Usagi objected.

"Well he is." Setsuna defended. "And the planet earth has somehow attained sentience. Upon review of the outstanding existential binding between Mr. Chiba and itself… it found that esoteric, etheric, and philosophic differences…"

"Excuse me," Minako cut in as she raised her hand, "but long story short, Mamoru got dumped right?"

"A very long story, cut very very short… basically, yes." Setsuna admitted.

Minako whistled, and the rest of the group looked like they finally understood what was going on.

"He was a bit of a jerk." Makoto spoke up. "I didn't want to say anything."

"Nice, broad shoulders though." Minako added. "A shame, really."

"I always did find it rather odd…" Ami began tentitavely, "…that he was always rather more concerned with his career than with Usagi or with the continued existence of humanity at large." She tapped her fingers together slowly. "It seemed rather irresponsible and short-sighted."

"Nice, broad shoulders though." Minako reminded. "It was a very special set of shoulders."

Rei considered for a moment, and added her two cents. "I **did** stop crushing on him when I realized that the way he ignored Usagi's dreams was not justified by how inane her dreams actually were."

"Hard to see around his manly braod shoulders though." Minako nodded sagely. "Difficult indeed."

"Oh he pads them." Rei informed.

"What?"

"His shoulders. He pads them. His suit has shoulder pads to make it look like he has good posture and broader shoulders. A lot of suits do."

"That clever bastard!" Minako howled angrily.

Usagi sniffled and pouted, as it was appearently pick-on-her-boyfriend day and that was very sad.

"Aren't you taking this rather well, Setsuna?" Rei asked. "Isn't this a big setback for crystal Tokyo?"

"Not really." Setsuna shrugged. "I was getting tired of Usagi's romantic drama to be honest. Actually, Crystal Tokyo was always meant to be heavily influenced by a selection of close advisors, namely those in this room right now, rather than the actual ruling monarchs." She admitted. "At least, for the everyday decisions, as well as for tactical adjustment to strategic moves. As for our vision and long-term mission objectives, that was always to be Usagi's role."

"And Mamoru didn't really do anything," Ami observed, understanding alighting in her eyes, "because–"

"-because he's a bit egotistic, yes." Setsuna nodded. "He makes decisions, but we largely ignore them due to practicality and a desire to not piss off alien races with self-important legislation, until he withdraws from politics all together in a sulk and works towards a governmental role that, while important, he doesn't really need to be king to fulfil." Setsuna brought up a hand and rested it on her chin. "To be honest, the one which earth has chosen now seems to be a far easier person to work with on the long path towards utopia."

"But I won't marry anyone but Mamoru." Usagi pouted. "End of story."

"That is all right your highness." Setsuna nodded. "In fact I encourage it. I'm rather fond of Chibi-Usa. The little brat may take over my job one day, and God knows I could go for that. No. It would be ideal if the kings of earth married the queen of the moon, but it is only truly important that a political marriage of any sort is performed between the monarch of earth and that of any allied planet." She shrugged. "Honestly, the Solar System alliance is rather like one big happy family, in the future. We are utopia, after all."

"So…" Rei began. "…One of us would just have to marry the new prince?"

"Well yes." Setsuna nodded. "Technically it was the same for Mamoru. Any one of us could have married him. But seeing as the life expectancy of each of us in the future is rather close to infinite, Usagi was really the only one of us that was actually capable of making a relationship with him work for the required amount of time. You weren't exactly destined for each other, princess," she admitted, "I just told everyone that to make matters simpler. Sorry."

"Eh." Usagi waved a hand dismissively. "Now we can just put our love to the test. I'm sure it will all be fine Setsuna."

"Out of interest," Ami rose her hand, "why would he and I not have worked out?"

"He would have been intimidated by the fact that you would be much smarter than him, much more successful, and an empowered female figure whom he can't stand being corrected by."

"Ah," Ami dropped her hand sullenly, "cold reality, we meet again…"

"And me?" Makoto asked.

"You simply have nothing in common. You are currently attracted to appearances, primarily, but that passes."

Makoto silently accepted that.

"And me?" Rei asks.

"He cheats on you." Setsuna explains.

"What?" Rei screams.

"With Usagi." Setsuna continues.

"Ha!" Usagi shoots to her feet. "True love! Take that, bitch!"

"Pft. You can have him!" Rei scowls. "Cheating bastard."

"He would cheat on the others as well," Setsuna clarifies, "similarly towards Usagi's embrace, except that their relationships do not last long enough for him to become jaded and stray."

"What about me?" Minako asks. "Is it because I grow out of falling for physical looks too?"

"No. You never grow out of it and your sex drive does not diminish. If anything, it gets worse over time."

"Huh." Minako expressed, not really all that surprised, "You know, he still has a decent ass going for him. Is he not packing down under?"

"One day you will finally lose your much hated virginity, and you will shortly realize that 'size doesn't matter' isn't just another saying for you to mangle. Most men really are actually very similar in size, across all ethnicity, heights, weights, and time. And cramming an oversized cylinder into your most tender regions does not for good sex make. Suffice to say Mamoru packs, more or less, what most men without unnecessary penile surgery pack. Yet I reiterate that Mamoru is rather egotistic and close-minded." Setsuna explains. "This makes him a terrible lover after marriage, when he no longer feels the need to impress you."

"Oh." Minako expressed, eyes wide, before she assumed a disinterested expression and turned away in indifference. "Oh, ew, forget it."

"And us?" Haruka asked.

"You two are lesbians." Setsuna reminded.

"Right. Just checking." Haruka nodded. "I'll love you forever, sweetie, **and **I'll be orientated your way forever too!"

Michiru sighs. "That's a relief, dear. I wasn't much relishing the thought of getting you a sex change."

"What about me?" Hotaru asked.

Setsuna fixed the girl with a stern glare. "You are as a daughter to me, young lady, and you can damn well do better than Mamoru Chiba. If he's not the perfect gentleman, riding a white horse, roses perpetually in his left hand and poetry always in his right, then you call Mama." Setsuna sniffed. "Mama will beat the shit out of him."

"Yes Mama."

"So…" Ami began. "Essentially, who's the new prince? Are you able to tell, or will we have to track him down?"

"I would not be so calm if that were so. He is fifteen, as you all are," Setsuna gestured towards the inners, "and he lives one town over. Haruka and Michiru remain lesbians, and he lacks the required poetic ability for me to allow him to court Hotaru, so I rather pin our hopes for crystal Tokyo on the four of you."

Setsuna took her time staff, struck the ground, and a hologram obediently sprang to life in the centre of the room. "This is the new prince chosen by planet earth. His name–"

Ami shot to her feet. "Master!"

Makoto too. "Sempai!"

Slowly the two looked at each-other, even as they became the foci of everyone else's attention.

And on that fateful day, a hologram spun slowly in place that would change destiny forever, the holographic blocky 3D writing underneath it saying only one fateful name… 'Shinji Ikari'.

* * *

A/N: When I finished this chapter I realized that this could be used to introduce pretty much anyone from any series that was male, with a few tweaks. Does Sailor Moon crossover with anything? Probably. Idea is totally and thoroughly up for adoption, and you can keep all of the work, or just part of it, and you don't have to cite me or anything, on the condition that you please make it either sexy or funny.

Inspiration came partially from this one story on TFF where Ami, being picked on, latched on to Ranma and used him to solve her problems.

* * *

Preview of what will never be:

Ami turned to Makato, blinking. "Sempai? He's the sempai you keep talking about?"

Makato's eyes were wide as saucers. "You call him 'Master'?"

Ami found that everyone else was joining Makoto in their wide-eyed stares. "It was a different time…" Ami muttered. "It was on the eve of my father's death. He had died after being caught in the middle of a shootout in the Bronx in the Saitama region, an area of poverty and crime. He could have been saved from his wounds, except that the under-staffing of emergency doctor personnel at the local hospital prevented him from receiving treatment in time. My mother swore to rectify this and, as her method of grief, she went to work there. Of course, I had to transfer in to the local school. It was populated by delinquents, misfits, and those that society had abandoned. I was young. Young, mousey, blue-haired, and intelligent. It was a combination built for disaster. I went through every school day living in constant fear of physical and emotional bullying. I spent every hour at home ashamed of how I handled the day. I spent every night crying myself to sleep. Then I found Shinji. Quite by accident, he became the 'Bancho' of our school, the head delinquent, the 'strongest', and our representative towards the delinquents of other schools. He was picked on, like me, and endured it quietly until one day he fought back. When he did, he hospitalized fifteen delinquents, the entire judo team, and he collapsed the school's toolshed. He was my shelter in the storm, and I came to rely on him desperately."

"You called him 'Master'." Makoto repeated.

Ami blushed and looked down. "I chose to. You wouldn't understand. Publicly, it marked me as closer to him. It made me safer and stronger. It caused people to fear me, as they feared him."

"I know all that." Makato nodded. "I was _in _the judo club. But there was only one girl that called Shinji 'Master'. He was really protective of her, and she was a total two-faced bitch! If you looked at her funny she'd slap the shit out of you and you couldn't do anything about it because if you did, she'd run to Shinji in tears and he'd fuck you over with a rusty spoon! And then he'd freaking apologise about it!"

Ami blushed. "It was a different time…"

"Oh my god!" Makato exclaimed. "That was you? You were the queen bitch!"

Ami felt the need to defend herself. "I was angry at everyone that had made my life hell. I wanted revenge. I was, perhaps, on a bit of a power trip."

"Keep a hand on your bags." Ami advised. "And don't look at anyone in the eyes."

"Wow, that's so getto." Minako observs. "What about bling? Should I wear some bling? I think I brought some bling."

"Unless you want to get mugged," Ami replied flatly, "never say the word 'bling' again."

"Yeah." Makoto agreed. "I wuld never speak to you again, either."

The five attractive inner senshi walked down the dirty backstreets of Sapporo.

Two surprisingly well-dressed teens approached. "Hey babes, what're you – Ooof!"

Makato withdrew her fist from the nameless guy's gut. "Get lost."

The other teen scampered off, in fear of the scary girl.

"Makoto!" Minako exclaimed. "I'm surprised at you! They were cute!"

"Not here, Minako." Makato objected, shaking her head and walking over the collapsed form of a prettyboy. "It's not worth it."

"It's _always _worth it Makato. I thought I _knew_ you."

"We're here." Ami informed flatly. "This is the den of the future king of the galactic alliance. In case you girls are interested."

"not now, Ami. We're talking about boys." Minako explained.

"Guaaaaaaaah!" Screamed a buzz-cut youth as he sailed overhead.

A soft-spoken "Sorry." Drifted after him, on the wind.

"Nice distance." A voice from behind them whistled.

Startled, the inners turned as one to face the one that had snuck up behind them. They were surprised to find a gaijin-featured, blond, pigtailed girl regarding them over the business end of a brandished hunter's knife. "I hope you're not here for trouble." The girl said. "It's not good idea to come here for trouble. If the knife doesn't scareyou then our bancho sure as hell should. They call him the serene killer. The apology devil. And… he's a goddamn ninja."

"I'm not a ninja." Shinji disagreed, approaching the group.


	5. EVA Moon 2

A/N: Look, it's going to get kind of complicated in the fight scene. Just remember, when the spectators are talking, they're spectating. When shinji does something, he's fighting. And they're in different areas. Ok.

* * *

Neon Moon Evangelion pt 2.

Ami turned to Makato, blinking. "Sempai? He's the sempai you keep talking about?"

Makato's eyes were wide as saucers. "You call him 'Master'?"

Ami found that everyone else was joining Makoto in their wide-eyed stares. "It was a different time…" Ami muttered. "It was on the eve of my father's death. He had died after being caught in the middle of a shootout in the Bronx in the Saitama region, an area of poverty and crime. He could have been saved from his wounds, except that the under-staffing of emergency doctor personnel at the local hospital prevented him from receiving treatment in time. My mother swore to rectify this and, as her method of grief, she went to work there. Of course, I had to transfer in to the local school. It was populated by delinquents, misfits, and those that society had abandoned. I was young. Young, mousey, blue-haired, and intelligent. It was a combination built for disaster. I went through every school day living in constant fear of physical and emotional bullying. I spent every hour at home ashamed of how I handled the day. I spent every night crying myself to sleep. Then I found Shinji. Quite by accident, he became the 'Bancho' of our school, the head delinquent, the 'strongest', and our representative towards the delinquents of other schools. He was picked on, like me, and endured it quietly until one day he fought back. When he did, he hospitalized fifteen delinquents, the entire judo team, and he collapsed the school's toolshed. He was my shelter in the storm, and I came to rely on him desperately."

"You called him 'Master'." Makoto repeated.

Ami blushed and looked down. "I chose to. You wouldn't understand. Publicly, it marked me as closer to him. It made me safer and stronger. It caused people to fear me, as they feared him."

"I know all that." Makato nodded. "I was _in _the judo club. But there was only one girl that called Shinji 'Master'. He was really protective of her, and she was a total two-faced bitch! If you looked at her funny she'd slap the shit out of you and you couldn't do anything about it because if you did, she'd run to Shinji in tears and he'd fuck you over with a rusty spoon! And then he'd freaking apologise about it!"

Ami blushed. "It was a different time…"

"Oh my god!" Makato exclaimed. "That was you? You were the queen bitch!"

Ami felt the need to defend herself. "I was angry at everyone that had made my life hell. I wanted revenge. I was, perhaps, on a bit of a power trip."

"You made me do your homework!" Makato exclaimed. "You made _me_ do _your _homework!" She stressed. "Why would you even do that?"

"Oh, those?" Ami reminisced. "I threw all those out."

* * *

"Keep a hand on your bags." Ami advised. "And don't look at anyone in the eyes."

"Wow, that's so ghetto." Minako observs. "What about bling? Should I wear some bling? I think I brought some bling."

"Unless you want to get mugged," Ami replied flatly, "never say the word 'bling' again."

"Yeah." Makoto agreed. "I'd have to never speak to you again, either."

The five attractive inner senshi walked down the dirty backstreets of Sapporo.

Two surprisingly well-dressed teens approached. "Hey babes, what're you – Ooof!"

Makato withdrew her fist from the nameless guy's gut. "Get lost."

The other teen scampered off, in fear of the scary girl.

"Makoto!" Minako exclaimed. "I'm surprised at you! They were cute!"

"Not here, Minako." Makato objected, shaking her head and walking over the collapsed form of a pretty boy. "It's not worth it."

"It's _always _worth it Makato. I thought I _knew_ you."

"We're here." Ami informed flatly. "This is the den of the future king of the galactic alliance. In case you girls are interested."

"Not now, Ami. We're talking about boys." Minako explained.

"Guaaaaaaaah!" Screamed a buzz-cut youth as he sailed overhead.

A soft-spoken "Sorry." Drifted after him, on the wind.

"Nice distance." A voice from behind them whistled.

Startled, the inners turned as one to face the one that had snuck up behind them. They were surprised to find a gaijin-featured, blond, pigtailed girl regarding them over the business end of a brandished hunter's knife. "I hope you're not here for trouble." The girl said. "It's not good idea to come here for trouble. If the knife doesn't scare you then our Bancho sure as hell should. They call him the serene killer. The apology devil. And! …He's a goddamn ninja."

"I'm not a ninja." Shinji disagreed, approaching the group. "Or a Bancho." He amended.

"…H-Hey, Sempai." Makoto greeted. She'd been fine. Totally fine…. Until now.

Shinji blinked. "Makoto?" He asked. "From the Judo club? Is that you?"

Shinji looked sheepish. "I'm sorry," he apologized, "if I scared you off."

"N-No!" Makoto denied. "Um, my grades picked up so… I transferred."

"That's good." Shinji smiled in relief. "Are you looking for the Judo club?"

"Well… we're…" Makoto mumbled.

"You're not that hot." Minako interrupted. "What's up with that?"

Shinji blinked. "I'm… sorry?" He asked.

"It's just," Minako began, "Makato-chan and Ami-chan seemed hung up on you."

"Ami?"

There was a squeak from behind the inner senshi, and with a start they realized that the bluenette had taken to hiding behind their collectiveness.

"Ami?" Shinji asked again, pushing past the crowd. "Ami?"

"U-Um… hi." Ami greeted weakly.

Shinji stopped short. "Hi…" He said. "I… hi. You haven't called."

Ami tried to reply. She couldn't.

"Your phone number's wrong."

It was something she'd read off of a bulletin board.

"You left me behind. But… for something better." Shinji said, smiling faintly with relief. "These are your friends. They look like they're on the up-and-up." He guessed. "Good for you."

One last smile, and he left. "Take care of them, Yami." He asked.

"Yes, boss!" The gaijin, Yami, snapped off a stiff salute. "Leave it to me!"

"Wow." She said, as her 'boss' left. "You're really real, aren't you?" She asked of Ami. "You're #1."

"What?" Ami asked.

"#1. That's you, right? Blue hair. Smart. Expert at genjutsu!"

"…Huh?"

"I'm #2!" Yami introduced. "Call me Shinobi Apprentice: The Darkness! Don't call me Darkness, call me Shinobi Apprentice: The Darkness. Like the artist formerly known as prince. Just say the whole thing. I'm also studying under Master Shinji! And he calls me Yami for short, but that's because when a guy that can flip out and kill you over a cheese burrito calls you something, you let him call you that thing. Can I call you sempai?"

"What?" Ami begged.

"You're the boss's first apprentice, right? We should trade ninja techniques!"

"I'm not a ninja." Ami sighed, understanding dawning.

"Whoooah!" Yami said, physically taken aback. "You're really real, for _real! _That was _just like him!"_

Ami sighed again.

* * *

"So…" Usagi muttered, amongst her friends in the cafeteria. "The whole atmosphere is a little awkward…" She couldn't help but note.

"No kidding." Rei said. "Seriously, Ami, you have _some_ kind of history here. If we spring saving the world on him now, won't we be the bad guys?"

"It does feel like that." Minako nodded sadly. "And he's not even hot."

"It's not all about looks." Ami groused. "Don't' talk about him like he's a piece of meat. He's..." Ami sighed, putting her head in her hands. She felt miserable. She was a miserable person, and she didn't know how to apologize for it...

"You should see him when he's pissed." Makato added. "He's super strong. It's crazy. I really respect him."

"The boss is the best in Taijutsu, in the land!" Yami nodded. "I'm learning from him!"

"That seems really prestigious." Usagi noted.

"Oh, it is!"

"How… How did you get here?" Rei asked. "You weren't here!"

"I'm a ninja!" Yami declared. "…Apprentice. Also I came to ask everyone if they wanted to grab a seat to watch. The school is under attack."

"Uwooooah!" Minako cried in awe. "Is this like the movies? A brilliant clash of boyish delinquency? Has a rival school come to settle things for good in a manly brawl of sweat and torn clothes?"

Her friends, and even Yami, all looked at Minako oddly.

"_Is_ it a rival clash?" Makato asked, familiar with the area.

"Something like that." Yami nodded.

* * *

"It's a freaking demon!" Rei cried, from the second story window. "There's a demon attacking the school!"

"We need to get down there!" Usagi decided, only to be barred by a hunting knife-wielding girl.

"Boss told me to look after ya'. So I'm looking after ya'. No heroics!"

But… They silently complained.

…They _were _heroes. That was kind of their whole thing.

"Excuse me." The senshi were interrupted by the quiet voice, that somehow rung out in the commotion of the demon watching going on all around them. It was Shinji, in the courtyard. "Can you not do that? Those bike racks are brand n-."

Shinji found himself cut off as, with a cry of sign-post smash! The stop-sign themed demon smacked him across the face with demonic force, to send him realing.

But his right foot planted firmly in the ground, and Shinji did not fall. "I see." He muttered only to himself, and snapped up and around in one crisp motion, pulling a handgun from seemingly nowhere and emptying it in the demon's face.

Blam. Blam. Blam. Blam. Blam. Blam.

"Sorry." He said, belatedly.

The senshi were utterly silent.

"Holy. Fucking. Shit." Minako summarized. "Holyfuckingshit."

"Good job… not mangling that saying." Rei commented. "That's holyfuckingshit all right."

"That's hot." Minako observed. "I get it now."

"Unload a glock into their face-no jutsu!" Yami cried. "That's great! I learn something new every day!"

"He's not a ninja." Ami said, on reflex. "I think."

"Are you kidding me?" Yami exclaimed. "Look at him. He's flipping out and killing stuff! Our Bancho's a goddamn ninja!"

Touche.

One stop-sign arm came swinging across in a chop. Shinji leaned back to avoid, twisted, and snapped up once more into a crisp pose, emptying another clip in the stop-sign that was the demon's face.

"That's great!" Yami cried, slapping the table beside her in emotion. "Hat-trick-no jutsu! That's just great! I'm taking notes."

"Need something heavier." Shinji muttered to himself. "Emily-chan!" He cried. "I need to borrow a gun!"

"Is that your real name?" Usagi asked quizzically. "Emily?"

"What? No. My real name is Caroline Waterly."

"That's a nice name." Usagi answered.

"Can we maybe take this seriously?" Rei demanded.

With shinji:

He leaned over to a lower floor window. "Here, nii-chan!" Came a cry, and Shinji appropriately caught a case directed at him.

"Is that…" Rei began. "An elementary school backpack?"

"They're all sturdy and roomy." Yami commented. "And all the little kiddies in the new elementary wing carry identical looking ones. Perfect for concealing medium arms."

"That wasn't what I was getting at."

"Emily-chan is a good girl. I'm not sure if she's #3. She might be too young. Give her a few years."

Shinji reached into the backpack, produced a lovely machine gun, covered in bear stickers, and muttered to himself. "Target in the centre. Pull the trigger."

"She likes bears." Yami added.

"If we make him a hero of justice…" Usagi mused. "Do you think he'll put us out of a job?"

"Shut up Usagi." Rei muttered, tired of it all. "Just… shut up."

"Listen." Shinji said to the demon. "Let's talk this over. I'm sorry for shooting you so much."

"You see?" Makato asked. "He beats the shit out of you. And then he freaking _apologizes._"

"Yeah." Minako nodded. "Kind of hot. I get it."

"No. That's not what… never mind."

The stop-sign monster coughed, wheezed, but dragged itself to its feet all the same. "That… That's nothing! I'm a demon, ok? At least use magic, or a sword! Or a bus or something! I'm immune to bullets!" It cried. "They won't hurt me!"

"Yeah." Shinji sighed. "That's what the last one said."

And, either on que or because it just plain felt right, there was a rustling amongst the student population. Every window opened, and from outstretched hands hung suspended at minimum one firearm each.

"Welcome to Shoyu High." Shinji said. "Sorry about all this."

* * *

A/N: For the longest time, I didn't feel like writing this. What changed? I dunno.

I think maybe I'm just missing SM crossovers right now. Ranma used to have some great ones with them, but there's been no new ones lately that I know of. Sigh.

Agan, I prolly won't continue. But that's what I said last time. If someone else picks it up, just tell me so I can read the damn thing. God, I want to read Crossover x senshi harem.

Where would it go from here? Fighting. Romance. The demons are there cuz they're after him. He agrees to leave, for the school's sake. Yami gets left in charge of Shoyu high. Her personality's big, and unneccessary. Shinji has one romance... no, life requirement. He just want's people to be nice to him. Ami had done that, because she had known it was his one, big, obvious button. He knows she played him. He doesn't really care, because she gave him what he wanted. She was nice. He goes to Juban. He looks out for Ami. He gives odd advice to Makoto. Minako asks for a date and a fling, for fun, point blank. Rei tells him she's not interested. He says ok. He kicks ass. Everyone falls in love with him. Harem end.

Rei shows up. The world shatters. Standing before her in the brink of nonexistance she asks him if this world requires modifications, or if she should try again, or if it's fine as it is. He says no, it's not fine, but almost. You come back with me too. Harem end+ Done.


End file.
